All is OK. Seems like lots and lots of trips to the bathroom, more than usual, many times unproductive. Sometimes, I think she just wants to get up and move around but automatically goes down the hall. I think the same thing happens at night when she wakes up. She wants to get up and focuses on the bathroom, but particularly in the first 3 hours or so after she's gone to bed, no "activity" on the commode. I found her to be particularly vulnerable walking during the night visits. And while "sitting" on the Hugo is preferable, there is some maneuvering that has to occur to get her turned around....
Bought a chocolate birthday cake (put half in freezer) and she got everyone's flowers, cookies and chocolates! No sentimentality over the birthday.....she sort of wanted to ignore it but it is very difficult for her to wrangle up the appropriate response to things that happen, I notice. Pat Swann (Lazaroff) called to wish her a Happy Birthday and Linda and Jim Bindewald sent a Birthday Card - so did Visiting Angels. Her conversation with Pat was interesting: "Oh, yeah. We're doing just fine and getting around just fine.....everything is fine....everything." Not that I blame her and to her, everything is fine and she is capable of doing everything.....
Mom told me that she went to visit Uncle Eddie and Aunt Nell last week to do some collecting for the church and saw her male twin cousins and their sister........did she have an Uncle Eddie and Aunt Nell with twin sons and a daughter? Just curious.
Of course, the usual questions about her husband, but she seems to accept it better that this is in fact Morris and not Vic, although sometimes she asks if I know where Vic is. My tactic with her re: Morris is just to say what it is: He moved out. He lives elsewhere. Other than in his apartment, I don't know where he is.
The mouse is gone - except occasionally when I tell her it is only the icemaker and that is OK.
No foul smells are lingering, that I heard about.
She can not hear anything I say. Even when she asks me a question and I answer, I get: "I don't know what you are talking about." Frustrating so often I just don't answer. Doesn't really seem to matter either way.
I think her strength overall has weakened and I fear she is not too far from another fall. I found that I felt like I had to be a lot closer to her - particularly when she gets up at night as noted above. Recommend having the non-skid socks available for these occasions.
Using the features of the chair ("UP" for when she is getting up) is quite helpful. It assists her in getting to the right position with her weight on her feet.
Will Medicare pay for a hospital-like bed that can go up/down? I think she needs one for the night visits so that it is easier for her to "get moving". Getting out of the bed is particularly difficult for her. Don't really know what the answer is. Found her particularly vulnerable to slipping off the edge.....but the good thing is that she can't sit up or stand up anymore without assistance. The risk of the fall is greater but I am assuming that the caregiver will be there since she can't get up by herself anymore.
Met with elderlaw attorney. It was a very productive meeting. Dan, Tom, Vic and I attended so we all heard the same thing and invariably will have our different perspectives on it. Her marriage to Morris was particularly troublesome to the attorney from an elderlaw perspective. I am working on a grid that I will distribute via e-mail. Please look for it. We have to start maneuvering now and it will take some doing. Morris is not going to be happy. Basically, for Mom to make application for a reverse mortgage or nursing home care, full financial disclosure from both spouses is required even though only Mom owns the home. She can qualify for Medicaid under SC Law and she alone is not far from being there - but Morris's assets play in as the non-Medicaid spouse. He has to be willing to spend down as well, but not as far......it's going to get very interesting. Also, as the spouse, he is responsible for her medical care and well-being prior to her death. The "waiver" that we all know neither took advantage of is only a waiver of rights post death (1/3 of the estate). While they are married, each is 100% liable for all medical bills and care. As I said, look for the grid. My vote currently is to get full disclosure and then decide whether divorce is an alternative in the best interest of Mom.
More later.
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1 comment:
Great update. Thanks!
Uncle Eddie is Tweedle's and Uncle Harry's brother. Both Tweedle and Mom were very close to Uncle Harry but did have family gatherings with both Eddie's and Harry's families. Last time we were there Mom was spending a lot of time with 13th Street people, like Father Early (St. Phillips pastor, whose mother lived across the street on 13th) and her childhood schoolmates. This is the first time I've heard of her being with Uncle Eddie and Aunt Nell, his wife.
I think that Medicare might pay for a good portion of the cost of a medical/hospital bed. Can't recall who told me this but it was recently, might have been the ladies from Mom's church.
Mom's hearing seemed to be very sharp the last time we were there but I have experienced her similar comments when I have been on the phone with her, even for very short periods of time.
Look forward to your grid.
Thanks again.
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