Don't know if you saw my question that was part of the comments to your post about the weekend:
Did you tell Morris that we were taking steps to get Mom into a nursing home? If yes, what was his response? Any idea where he stands on this from anything you discussed?
Additional question: what was his response on our care strategy? Did he support it or have any comments on it?
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Poem for Mom
Ran across this poem that I have kept on my desktop for a while and thought that it might make some of you feel better about Mom's situation. One thing I forgot to mention in my weekend update that I think you also might like to know - when I was tucking Mom in on Saturday night I asked her if I could do anything else for her before she went to sleep. She looked up at me, somewhat softly and shyly, and said, "Just love me..."
Here is the poem.
e.e. cummings
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
Here is the poem.
e.e. cummings
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
WHAT ARE BLOOD VALUES RELATED TO SODIUM?
Addendum to previous post - can anyone provide the blood and urine test results from Pugh related to sodium levels and kidney function? This the science behind Mom's condition and would give us quite a bit of information. When I get my blood test results back from my internest, I get what my levels are and what range they should be in.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
We all know what Mom likes to eat daily:
Toast/English Muffin with butter (smart choice?) and jelly
Coffee with 1/2 & 1/2
Sandwich - SHE ONLY EATS 1/4 OF A SANDWICH WHEN I HAVE BEEN THERE
Soup and Sandwich or crackers or vegie sticks for dinner (one small bowl)
and SNACKS all day (cookies and candy)
It would seem to be an easy enough thing to come up with a diet plan on a daily/monthly/weekly basis that would account for sodium simply because she eats so little.
I understand that sodium is a no-no, but when Mom says she ate a bologna sandwich for lunch, number 1, I would question it. In my experience, Mom makes things up as she goes. She could be remembering a bologna sandwich from 10 years ago. Was there actually bologna in the house? Maybe it was deli turkey, so what does that tell you? But even then, it is only a 1/4 of a sandwich. We could make ourselves crazy here and there is such a simple solution - write down a daily diet for whoever is providing her food and that is what she gets. Post it on the fridge.
We could actually write down what we know she eats right now and understand what her current sodium intake is and start from there.
Sodium is bad. Yes. Sodium contributes to Mom's swelling, etc., but let's not overlook the fact that she could swell anyway. She has been swelling like that FOR YEARS, even pre-bypass surgery. This is not a new condition. Now, she is in congestive heart failure. Her heart does not work. It could be that no amount of diet adjustment will help anything but that does not mean we shouldn't try. I'm just sort of weary of the piling on of guilt. I for one sort of resent a doctor who contributes to it by adding additional guilt. This is the second time now that I know of that he has been wagging his finger at us. The other time was over the Zoloft.
Why don't we take a few posts to give ourselves pats on the back for jobs well done in a very difficult situtation in the care of our an obstinate 82 year old, ill mother. We are not going to be perfect. But I for one think that we are pretty close. Everyone's commitment is outstanding. If we could analyze her food intake to understand just how much sodium she actually is taking in in a day and move on from there, we would probably all feel better.
Toast/English Muffin with butter (smart choice?) and jelly
Coffee with 1/2 & 1/2
Sandwich - SHE ONLY EATS 1/4 OF A SANDWICH WHEN I HAVE BEEN THERE
Soup and Sandwich or crackers or vegie sticks for dinner (one small bowl)
and SNACKS all day (cookies and candy)
It would seem to be an easy enough thing to come up with a diet plan on a daily/monthly/weekly basis that would account for sodium simply because she eats so little.
I understand that sodium is a no-no, but when Mom says she ate a bologna sandwich for lunch, number 1, I would question it. In my experience, Mom makes things up as she goes. She could be remembering a bologna sandwich from 10 years ago. Was there actually bologna in the house? Maybe it was deli turkey, so what does that tell you? But even then, it is only a 1/4 of a sandwich. We could make ourselves crazy here and there is such a simple solution - write down a daily diet for whoever is providing her food and that is what she gets. Post it on the fridge.
We could actually write down what we know she eats right now and understand what her current sodium intake is and start from there.
Sodium is bad. Yes. Sodium contributes to Mom's swelling, etc., but let's not overlook the fact that she could swell anyway. She has been swelling like that FOR YEARS, even pre-bypass surgery. This is not a new condition. Now, she is in congestive heart failure. Her heart does not work. It could be that no amount of diet adjustment will help anything but that does not mean we shouldn't try. I'm just sort of weary of the piling on of guilt. I for one sort of resent a doctor who contributes to it by adding additional guilt. This is the second time now that I know of that he has been wagging his finger at us. The other time was over the Zoloft.
Why don't we take a few posts to give ourselves pats on the back for jobs well done in a very difficult situtation in the care of our an obstinate 82 year old, ill mother. We are not going to be perfect. But I for one think that we are pretty close. Everyone's commitment is outstanding. If we could analyze her food intake to understand just how much sodium she actually is taking in in a day and move on from there, we would probably all feel better.
thoughts on diet strategy
the daily diet strategy is problematic -
1) each of us is torn between having H. not eat what is bad for her (high in salt processed foods) and having H. enjoy eating what is offered to her.
2) each of us probably varies in resolve to serve the right things, depending on a lot of things.
3) each of us probably has our own ideas about what is the right thing to serve, depending on what we each think is healthy enough.
4) the outside caregivers make a lot of the decisions regarding food choices. They base these choices on ? not sure, but combination of precedence, input from H., suggestions from kids (e.g., refrig posting), availability (what is in the house)
5) processed food is easily available, easily shopped for, easily stored ... which makes it so readily chosen.
6) finding food that is low-sodium and appealing to H. is trial-and-error, complicated by the factor of H. preferences varying from day to day.
I do not know what the answer is here, but I do feel we should ban the processed food served daily and substitute ?toBeDetermined? ... the processed food (e.g., deli meats and cheeses) can be served occaisionally.
I do know that soup is something that is typically acceptable (only saw H. not enjoy it once - when I served my home-made lentil minestrone) ....
I think that even low-sodium type canned soups are not low enough, haven't really investigated, though.
I know that there are some frozen soup brands sold my way that are probably lower in sodium than canned low-sodium soups, maybe they are also available in SC, I'll check next time I'm down there.
the above are just thoughts on this topic, I don't know what the solution is or what priority others would assign this topic. I think it should be of higher priority, as it is a contributor to H.'s daily quality of life (healthy food helps one feel better typically) and it will prevent diet being at cross purposed to prescribed diuretic meds and could alleviate some of the swelling.
1) each of us is torn between having H. not eat what is bad for her (high in salt processed foods) and having H. enjoy eating what is offered to her.
2) each of us probably varies in resolve to serve the right things, depending on a lot of things.
3) each of us probably has our own ideas about what is the right thing to serve, depending on what we each think is healthy enough.
4) the outside caregivers make a lot of the decisions regarding food choices. They base these choices on ? not sure, but combination of precedence, input from H., suggestions from kids (e.g., refrig posting), availability (what is in the house)
5) processed food is easily available, easily shopped for, easily stored ... which makes it so readily chosen.
6) finding food that is low-sodium and appealing to H. is trial-and-error, complicated by the factor of H. preferences varying from day to day.
I do not know what the answer is here, but I do feel we should ban the processed food served daily and substitute ?toBeDetermined? ...
I do know that soup is something that is typically acceptable (only saw H. not enjoy it once - when I served my home-made lentil minestrone) ....
I think that even low-sodium type canned soups are not low enough, haven't really investigated, though.
I know that there are some frozen soup brands sold my way that are probably lower in sodium than canned low-sodium soups, maybe they are also available in SC, I'll check next time I'm down there.
the above are just thoughts on this topic, I don't know what the solution is or what priority others would assign this topic. I think it should be of higher priority, as it is a contributor to H.'s daily quality of life (healthy food helps one feel better typically) and it will prevent diet being at cross purposed to prescribed diuretic meds and could alleviate some of the swelling.
fyi ...sodium content examples
taken from web site http://oto.wustl.edu/men/sodium.htm by: Alec N. Salt, Ph.D., Cochlear Fluids Research Laboratory,Washington University, St. Louis
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Reverse Mortgage
Two very interesting sites that we can all use to fully understand the reverse mortgage implications and the choices we have. It's a lot to go through and not that much fun but I found them both very informative. Minimally it will give us the "language" we need to discuss among ourselves and with the lenders.
Even with the positive developments re: caregiver taxes giving us add'l room to maneuver, we'll still need this info at some point.
www.reverse.org
www.aarp.org/money/revmort/
Even with the positive developments re: caregiver taxes giving us add'l room to maneuver, we'll still need this info at some point.
www.reverse.org
www.aarp.org/money/revmort/
Weekend Update
9/22 Weekend Update
Had a good weekend with Mom though she is much weaker and more frail than when we saw her last. As Jane and Eileen have reported, she rides more than walks back to the bathroom. She also seems a lot quieter and introspective – but she’s still pretty sharp and “remembers what she wants to remember” as she says. The new bed and cushion are working very well; Mom slept well all 3 nights with only a couple awakenings each night and no trips to the bathroom. In fact, a lot fewer trips to the bathroom during the day as well.
She’s down to between 102 and 105 lbs. One day I thought she was going to be below 100 but when Bob and I weighed her together it was more like 102 – a lot depends on how steady she is on the scale.
Dr. Pugh Appt.
• Routine exam. Her ankles were very swollen that day and as they usually are later in the afternoons (appt at 3:30). He asked her about her diet and what she had for lunch – bologna sandwich – which led him to a “sodium intake discussion” similar to the one with the cardiologist several months ago.
• I told him that we tried to lower sodium in her diet to no avail. She likes the bologna, deli meats, hot dogs, cheese & saltines, etc. and won’t eat anything else.
• He is a very low-key guy but was certainly giving me the message that the diuretics she’s on are powerful and are “doing damage to her kidneys”, (referred back to last year when her kidneys were “failing”? Said she was on a much higher dose then). Net, net “The meds certainly do her good (getting the fluid out) but are also doing some very bad things. It doesn’t make sense to give her these meds and then let her have all that sodium. You need to use common sense.”
• I spoke to Maggie before I left and she understands and will pass the word along to Gwen and Pam. She and I looked through the food that is at the house, looked at the labels and discussed what would be best for Mom to have. If anyone has any suggestions as to what they have seen Mom eat that she likes that is not loaded with sodium, please pass that info around.
• No change to her meds at the moment. She had a blood test to check her kidney function and we should have the results Wednesday. I’ll call the office and let you know.
Bedsore
• Maggie discovered a bedsore at the very bottom of Mom’s spine/coccyx when she was giving her a sponge bath (note below re: baths) on Monday. It’s an open wound about the size of a nickel. While we waited for Pugh’s office to call back, we used Polysporin to dress it and Bob went out and got one of those donut cushions for Mom to sit on to get that spot elevated. It worked out pretty well and as it turned out that is what Pugh’s office suggested later in the afternoon.
• Unfortunately they also recommended she not “sit all day long” - “Sit for an hour and then get up and walk around for a while.” Of course, that’s not going to happen. The other suggestion was to have her lie down on the bed on her side “every other hour” – that will also be difficult (per Maggie) but it has to be done in order for the sore to heal. Maggie will keep a close watch and let us know how it goes.
Discussion with Morris
• Walked Morris through the care plan. Also talked in generalities about the financial situation and legal implications going forward, particularly the need for his financial disclosure for certain choices we might have to make – reverse mortgage, nursing home application/spend-down for Medicaid, etc.
• He said he would be able to give us some financial support and will be sending $500/month for now. He receives about $2800 and pays Westminster $2300 (round numbers).
• We talked about a lot of related things but since it was a lot to take in and this was the first time we had talked about it I didn’t want to push too hard. Once we have a specific action item for him, like disclosure required for X, we’ll be in a better position to know how he will respond. If you have a specific question, I might have covered it with him and have just forgotten it for the moment.
Follow Up to the Care Plan
• The most important thing is the immediate schedule. Notice is a big thing for Maggie. We need to give her, Gwen and VA notice as soon as we can about specific Fridays. Please let her, or me, know if you will need her for your weekend.
• Jane: If you know your dates, we can start to work with Maggie on her vacation plans, etc.
• Maggie asked for a copy of the family schedule, which I said I would send. Her email isn’t working so I’ll send in the mail. Once her email is up and running we might want to include her on the distribution…
I know I talked to some of you over the weekend. Did I miss anything?
P.S. Maggie and Pam took many of the things that were in the garage sale/Goodwill piles. In fact, Maggie came back on Saturday with her daughter and grandson to take a few more items - she is going to use the numerous clear glass vases to fill with candy at Christmas and give to people at her church. They were all very, very appreciative. I tried to talk her grandson into some of the old transitor radios - he was looking for an old Ipod - oh, well....
Had a good weekend with Mom though she is much weaker and more frail than when we saw her last. As Jane and Eileen have reported, she rides more than walks back to the bathroom. She also seems a lot quieter and introspective – but she’s still pretty sharp and “remembers what she wants to remember” as she says. The new bed and cushion are working very well; Mom slept well all 3 nights with only a couple awakenings each night and no trips to the bathroom. In fact, a lot fewer trips to the bathroom during the day as well.
She’s down to between 102 and 105 lbs. One day I thought she was going to be below 100 but when Bob and I weighed her together it was more like 102 – a lot depends on how steady she is on the scale.
Dr. Pugh Appt.
• Routine exam. Her ankles were very swollen that day and as they usually are later in the afternoons (appt at 3:30). He asked her about her diet and what she had for lunch – bologna sandwich – which led him to a “sodium intake discussion” similar to the one with the cardiologist several months ago.
• I told him that we tried to lower sodium in her diet to no avail. She likes the bologna, deli meats, hot dogs, cheese & saltines, etc. and won’t eat anything else.
• He is a very low-key guy but was certainly giving me the message that the diuretics she’s on are powerful and are “doing damage to her kidneys”, (referred back to last year when her kidneys were “failing”? Said she was on a much higher dose then). Net, net “The meds certainly do her good (getting the fluid out) but are also doing some very bad things. It doesn’t make sense to give her these meds and then let her have all that sodium. You need to use common sense.”
• I spoke to Maggie before I left and she understands and will pass the word along to Gwen and Pam. She and I looked through the food that is at the house, looked at the labels and discussed what would be best for Mom to have. If anyone has any suggestions as to what they have seen Mom eat that she likes that is not loaded with sodium, please pass that info around.
• No change to her meds at the moment. She had a blood test to check her kidney function and we should have the results Wednesday. I’ll call the office and let you know.
Bedsore
• Maggie discovered a bedsore at the very bottom of Mom’s spine/coccyx when she was giving her a sponge bath (note below re: baths) on Monday. It’s an open wound about the size of a nickel. While we waited for Pugh’s office to call back, we used Polysporin to dress it and Bob went out and got one of those donut cushions for Mom to sit on to get that spot elevated. It worked out pretty well and as it turned out that is what Pugh’s office suggested later in the afternoon.
• Unfortunately they also recommended she not “sit all day long” - “Sit for an hour and then get up and walk around for a while.” Of course, that’s not going to happen. The other suggestion was to have her lie down on the bed on her side “every other hour” – that will also be difficult (per Maggie) but it has to be done in order for the sore to heal. Maggie will keep a close watch and let us know how it goes.
Discussion with Morris
• Walked Morris through the care plan. Also talked in generalities about the financial situation and legal implications going forward, particularly the need for his financial disclosure for certain choices we might have to make – reverse mortgage, nursing home application/spend-down for Medicaid, etc.
• He said he would be able to give us some financial support and will be sending $500/month for now. He receives about $2800 and pays Westminster $2300 (round numbers).
• We talked about a lot of related things but since it was a lot to take in and this was the first time we had talked about it I didn’t want to push too hard. Once we have a specific action item for him, like disclosure required for X, we’ll be in a better position to know how he will respond. If you have a specific question, I might have covered it with him and have just forgotten it for the moment.
Follow Up to the Care Plan
• The most important thing is the immediate schedule. Notice is a big thing for Maggie. We need to give her, Gwen and VA notice as soon as we can about specific Fridays. Please let her, or me, know if you will need her for your weekend.
• Jane: If you know your dates, we can start to work with Maggie on her vacation plans, etc.
• Maggie asked for a copy of the family schedule, which I said I would send. Her email isn’t working so I’ll send in the mail. Once her email is up and running we might want to include her on the distribution…
I know I talked to some of you over the weekend. Did I miss anything?
P.S. Maggie and Pam took many of the things that were in the garage sale/Goodwill piles. In fact, Maggie came back on Saturday with her daughter and grandson to take a few more items - she is going to use the numerous clear glass vases to fill with candy at Christmas and give to people at her church. They were all very, very appreciative. I tried to talk her grandson into some of the old transitor radios - he was looking for an old Ipod - oh, well....
Friday, September 21, 2007
Sep 21 - alarming info
not urgent, but important ....
there are bugs in the sitting room ...
on my departure day, Maggie witnessed "water bug" on table beside H.'s chair ... water bug is a euphemism for you-know-what.
this, after several days of me thinking H.'s concern about "under the chair" and "bugs biting at ankles" were all a crock ...
Scenario One: H. does see bugs when sitting in her chair, these sightings alarm her, she is unable to explain coherently so resorts to "look under my chair" ..."for what? we ask" ..." just look" is all she can respond ... we must take care to keep that room clean so bugs are not there to crawl over H.
Scenario Two: the bug sighting by Maggie is entirely coincidental to "look under my chair" and "bugs at my ankles" requests ...
I am going with Scenario One, myself.
follow-up thoughts: rug needs to be replaced, it's pretty funky with all the stains ... the number of books in that room could be reduced ... they provide food/hiding for bugs.
there are bugs in the sitting room ...
on my departure day, Maggie witnessed "water bug" on table beside H.'s chair ... water bug is a euphemism for you-know-what.
this, after several days of me thinking H.'s concern about "under the chair" and "bugs biting at ankles" were all a crock ...
Scenario One: H. does see bugs when sitting in her chair, these sightings alarm her, she is unable to explain coherently so resorts to "look under my chair" ..."for what? we ask" ..." just look" is all she can respond ... we must take care to keep that room clean so bugs are not there to crawl over H.
Scenario Two: the bug sighting by Maggie is entirely coincidental to "look under my chair" and "bugs at my ankles" requests ...
I am going with Scenario One, myself.
follow-up thoughts: rug needs to be replaced, it's pretty funky with all the stains ... the number of books in that room could be reduced ... they provide food/hiding for bugs.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Friday's Dr. Pugh Appt
Maggie called earlier today. She said there is a dr appt at 3:30 on Friday. Bob and I are going to Greenville Friday morning so we'll take Mom to the appt. in the afternoon.
We're coming up early so I can talk to Maggie about the care plan going forward. I'm still working on something I want to send out to all of you so that we are all in agreement as to how we should handle taxes, paid time off, Friday night schedule, etc. I should get that done later today and will post on the blog.
We're coming up early so I can talk to Maggie about the care plan going forward. I'm still working on something I want to send out to all of you so that we are all in agreement as to how we should handle taxes, paid time off, Friday night schedule, etc. I should get that done later today and will post on the blog.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Sep 18 7am
Morris visited on Monday, plans to be back today Tuesday.
bed-time went smoothly, the new bed was no problem, went unnoticed by H. even ... the get-in part I felt was easier due to lower height of the bed ... H. was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, that is something I have not seen before, may be a sign of bed's comfort factor. She slept thru to about 3:30, then was up and in her chair and ready for some toast and cranberry juice.
H. has been asking for lemon pie lately, this will be the third day in a row she has brought it up, even asking at 5am if "it's too late to go to the store" so I tried to understand what kind of lemon pie, who got it for her , hoping to figure out how to get the right lemon pie ... turns out it's lemon meringue ("there's egg-whites on top"), she had it as a child when her mother made it.
H. did have me check under the chair, not sure what for, H. says to "see what is there" ... Pam thinks it's to check for a mouse ... seems Pam has done this under-chair check before and also a kitchen cabinet check for H. (opening all cabinets in kitchen) and has swept under things in the sitting room all at H. urging ... Pam is great to humor H. in this way, she understands there is no mouse or whatever, but just the actions of looking for it reassures H. that she is safe.
fyi - this is my departure day, I leave at 10pm tonight.
also of note: 1) last evening H. remarked on "tiny bugs" at her ankles, right about where her socks elastic makes an impression in her skin ... needless to say, no bugs.
2) house noises - anybody else notice numerous creaking type noises in the walls/attic? doesn't sound like squirrels to me, but is different from house creaking noises that I am used to ...
bed-time went smoothly, the new bed was no problem, went unnoticed by H. even ... the get-in part I felt was easier due to lower height of the bed ... H. was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, that is something I have not seen before, may be a sign of bed's comfort factor. She slept thru to about 3:30, then was up and in her chair and ready for some toast and cranberry juice.
H. has been asking for lemon pie lately, this will be the third day in a row she has brought it up, even asking at 5am if "it's too late to go to the store" so I tried to understand what kind of lemon pie, who got it for her , hoping to figure out how to get the right lemon pie ... turns out it's lemon meringue ("there's egg-whites on top"), she had it as a child when her mother made it.
H. did have me check under the chair, not sure what for, H. says to "see what is there" ... Pam thinks it's to check for a mouse ... seems Pam has done this under-chair check before and also a kitchen cabinet check for H. (opening all cabinets in kitchen) and has swept under things in the sitting room all at H. urging ... Pam is great to humor H. in this way, she understands there is no mouse or whatever, but just the actions of looking for it reassures H. that she is safe.
fyi - this is my departure day, I leave at 10pm tonight.
also of note: 1) last evening H. remarked on "tiny bugs" at her ankles, right about where her socks elastic makes an impression in her skin ... needless to say, no bugs.
2) house noises - anybody else notice numerous creaking type noises in the walls/attic? doesn't sound like squirrels to me, but is different from house creaking noises that I am used to ...
Monday, September 17, 2007
Sep 17 10am
FedEx just delivered bed pad ... if bed can be delivered today or tomorrow, I am able to move out the old bed ... if not today or tomorrow, then need to coordinate who will move the old bed out.
Sep 17 9am
on Sunday, Jackie and her husband Steve from Redeemer church visited, communion and prayers, left church bulletin ... when they arrived, H. did not display pleasure that they were here, but annoyance ... was this standard reaction to routine disruption? or does she not get anything out of these visits? not sure, did not follow up with her, jsut forgot to.
another Sunday visitor was Morris, who brought flowers and chocolate. he stayed for about an hour, not much conversation between the two of them, as H. is napping or just cannot hear/understand what is being said. But there is some, as Morris understands how to do this. He does not seem to mind at all just sitting, he reads the paper.
fyi ... I was awakened from an afternoon nap by the sound of silence ... somehow the tv sound had been muted ... had to have been H. ... I am convinced she chose it and figured out how to do it, not just happenstance that the mute button got pushed.
Saturday night, H. requested something different for supper ... a hamburger ... guess she gets tired of sameOld/sameOld.
retired early - 7pm - on Saturday ... slept to 3;30, then up every hour calling Morris, sitting up for drink of water, then back down to sleep ... no visits to toilet til 8am rising.
another Sunday visitor was Morris, who brought flowers and chocolate. he stayed for about an hour, not much conversation between the two of them, as H. is napping or just cannot hear/understand what is being said. But there is some, as Morris understands how to do this. He does not seem to mind at all just sitting, he reads the paper.
fyi ... I was awakened from an afternoon nap by the sound of silence ... somehow the tv sound had been muted ... had to have been H. ... I am convinced she chose it and figured out how to do it, not just happenstance that the mute button got pushed.
Saturday night, H. requested something different for supper ... a hamburger ... guess she gets tired of sameOld/sameOld.
retired early - 7pm - on Saturday ... slept to 3;30, then up every hour calling Morris, sitting up for drink of water, then back down to sleep ... no visits to toilet til 8am rising.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Sep 16 7:30am
Morris visit on Friday, he brought flowers, seems to be doing very well. I chat a little with Morris when he arrives and then leave them to themselves, so cannot report on how much conversation vs napping goes on.
evening conversation with H. about St Philip Neri school, how it was, asked what her favorite subject was - drama, she loved putting on the plays ... she participated in all the sports that were offered - she said she wasn't any good but she enjoyed playing, she usually got kicked off the team after a few weeks ... the priest who ran the school lived next door to her. She commented about no-one having any $ then, not even the rich people ... I asked if she ever had to go hungry - "oh no,no,no ... we always had all the necessities, lived in a very nice home". she talked some about visiting Cincinnati when a child to visit rich cousins (her aunt?) ... it was a long car-ride with Mr. (forget name) who travelled there on business ... she got a treat everyday - sometimes a popsicle, sometimes all-day sucker, plus others ... she and her mother would travel there, she was allowed to go 'cause she was so well-behaved ... always used "please and thank-you" ...
H. asked me to get something for her, somehting that goes in her lap and is "certainly not very flexible" ... she really couldn't describe it much more than that, not even to say what she did with it ... I looked around to where she had indicated it would be (over her right shoulder) and could not find anything like a lap-desk or tray ... if anybody has any idea what she might be referring to, let me know.
Sunday, we are expecting a communion visit from Holy Redeemer.
evening conversation with H. about St Philip Neri school, how it was, asked what her favorite subject was - drama, she loved putting on the plays ... she participated in all the sports that were offered - she said she wasn't any good but she enjoyed playing, she usually got kicked off the team after a few weeks ... the priest who ran the school lived next door to her. She commented about no-one having any $ then, not even the rich people ... I asked if she ever had to go hungry - "oh no,no,no ... we always had all the necessities, lived in a very nice home". she talked some about visiting Cincinnati when a child to visit rich cousins (her aunt?) ... it was a long car-ride with Mr. (forget name) who travelled there on business ... she got a treat everyday - sometimes a popsicle, sometimes all-day sucker, plus others ... she and her mother would travel there, she was allowed to go 'cause she was so well-behaved ... always used "please and thank-you" ...
H. asked me to get something for her, somehting that goes in her lap and is "certainly not very flexible" ... she really couldn't describe it much more than that, not even to say what she did with it ... I looked around to where she had indicated it would be (over her right shoulder) and could not find anything like a lap-desk or tray ... if anybody has any idea what she might be referring to, let me know.
Sunday, we are expecting a communion visit from Holy Redeemer.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Sep 15 8am
Friday evening typical - tv, dinner, chocolate, to bed normal time ... wheezing problem at bed time, pillow prop-up made it go away.
up at 2:30 after fitful sleep to sit in chair, watch tv, doze.
at 8am med time on Sat am, offered Tylenol, offer accepted ...
general weakness continues, no walk back to the b'room for several days now.
Morris did not stop by on Friday, called to let us know, stated he'd be by today/Saturday.
Appetite is good, H. seems to eat the right amt of food at all meals.
up at 2:30 after fitful sleep to sit in chair, watch tv, doze.
at 8am med time on Sat am, offered Tylenol, offer accepted ...
general weakness continues, no walk back to the b'room for several days now.
Morris did not stop by on Friday, called to let us know, stated he'd be by today/Saturday.
Appetite is good, H. seems to eat the right amt of food at all meals.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Sep 14 9:30am
H. slept thru the night afer an evening of sitcom viewing - Friends, Sienfeld, Raymond.
She awoke with a dream fresh in her mind - falling ... falling off a cliff.
during ritual queries about Morris, I asked "Where do you think he is?" (emphasis on "you") ... her response "at his apartment?" ...
I have tossed out-dated items found in kitchen pantry-closet and moved things around to consolidate space.
She awoke with a dream fresh in her mind - falling ... falling off a cliff.
during ritual queries about Morris, I asked "Where do you think he is?" (emphasis on "you") ... her response "at his apartment?" ...
I have tossed out-dated items found in kitchen pantry-closet and moved things around to consolidate space.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Value of House - Good News!
The ReMax agent stopped by and gave Jane the info re: Mom's house.
She thinks Mom could sell for $145 - $150,000. Net of 6% commission that would be cash to us of $136 - $141,000 (about $24 - $28,000 higher than I had in our model.)
The first agent from Coldwell Banker called back today but I don't have her evaluation yet.
I assume this is an as-is price but will confirm.
She thinks Mom could sell for $145 - $150,000. Net of 6% commission that would be cash to us of $136 - $141,000 (about $24 - $28,000 higher than I had in our model.)
The first agent from Coldwell Banker called back today but I don't have her evaluation yet.
I assume this is an as-is price but will confirm.
Sep 13 2:30pm
Eye exam results: medication reduced to two applications per day down from three.
next appt three weeks. the infection is gone. med & add'l appt to make sure doesn't come back
Pacemaker results: everything ok, p'maker working as it should
gen'l info: two types of appts, one can be done on phone, one needs in-person visit.
tom has details.
next phone appt is Dec 14, next clinic appt is Mar 2008 (on 2008 cal in kitchen)
everthing else per usual
next appt three weeks. the infection is gone. med & add'l appt to make sure doesn't come back
Pacemaker results: everything ok, p'maker working as it should
gen'l info: two types of appts, one can be done on phone, one needs in-person visit.
tom has details.
next phone appt is Dec 14, next clinic appt is Mar 2008 (on 2008 cal in kitchen)
everthing else per usual
Hospital Bed Delivery
The mattress pad is scheduled for delivery on Tues, Sept 18 via FedEx (could come earlier). The bed itself can be delivered on a same-day basis so I thought we'd wait for the pad to arrive before we called for the bed.
Jane: It it doesn't arrive before you leave next week, could you ask Maggie to give me a call when it does? Thanks.
Note: Please keep ALL packing materials for the pad so we can return it (90 days) if Mom doesn't like it.
Jane: It it doesn't arrive before you leave next week, could you ask Maggie to give me a call when it does? Thanks.
Note: Please keep ALL packing materials for the pad so we can return it (90 days) if Mom doesn't like it.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Savings Idea
The other discussions about saving money brought this to mind: phone, internet and TV. Right now Mom qualifies for an upgrade with Charter Comm. She can get all three of the above svcs for $99.95 per month for 12 months. After a year it goes to about $120. But we can downgrade then. She's probably paying over $60 per month now. Who's familiar with the phone bill from Bell? Is this a savings? Charter phone is free long distance 24/7 in US, Canada and Puerto Rico and has call waiting, voice mail and other stuff. She can keep her same number. Let me know and I can get it all set up. (The hard part will be getting the service guy out there. Thay make you wait all hours of the day, then don't show up, then nothing works when they leave, then you call the help line and somebody in India tells you "there's and outage in the area so just wait awhile and it'll come back on." You know, typical cable service.) So, does it save anything? Who ever pays the phone bill, let me know if you want to do this.
Sep 12 7am
Morris visited and was here for about an hour ... church of Redeemer, Betty Herrin called to inquire if interested in having volunteer visitors stop by occaisionally, I said sure, they will call in advance. It will be Betty first, then others - they are volunteers from the church, these visits are not for communion or anything, just regular people stopping by to chat. If it doesn't work out, we can always halt the visits.
early (7pm) to bed on 9/11 ... up every hour beginning 2:30am ... calling Morris ... at Maggie suggestion, H. got a dose of stool softeners, 2 capsules ... this did the job, but I will go with 1 capsule in the future, 2 is too many.
after coffee this morning, a trip to the b-room began fine, H. walking ... however, at the doorway to the bedroom, she almost collapsed. with me supporting her and actually moving her forward, we were able to make it ... I have been watching her closely when sitting onto hugo/chair/bed ... she had developed a habit of just plopping onto the sitting surface a little too early and barely hitting the edge ... need to watch carefully ...
two dr appts today ... eye check-up (should be last one for this go-round) and pacemaker checkup.
early (7pm) to bed on 9/11 ... up every hour beginning 2:30am ... calling Morris ... at Maggie suggestion, H. got a dose of stool softeners, 2 capsules ... this did the job, but I will go with 1 capsule in the future, 2 is too many.
after coffee this morning, a trip to the b-room began fine, H. walking ... however, at the doorway to the bedroom, she almost collapsed. with me supporting her and actually moving her forward, we were able to make it ... I have been watching her closely when sitting onto hugo/chair/bed ... she had developed a habit of just plopping onto the sitting surface a little too early and barely hitting the edge ... need to watch carefully ...
two dr appts today ... eye check-up (should be last one for this go-round) and pacemaker checkup.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Hospital Bed
Since we're all in agreement on the bed (there were no negative comments from anyone,so I'm assuming that's the case), I have ordered one of those thick viscose pads so the comfort factor of a hospital bed won't be an issue. It will take a few days to receive it and I will let everyone know once the delivery date is confirmed. I thought I wouldn't order the bed delivery until we're sure of the pad delivery since the bed by itself might not be acceptable to Mom.
(Please, please, please do not discard ANY of the packing materials for the pad. If for some reason Mom won't accept the bed, we can return the pad - but only if we send it back with ALL the related packing materials within 90 days. Thanks!)
Dr. Pugh has written the order so there won't be a charge for the bed or the delivery/set-up (they're checking on Medicare coverage for the pad). As noted earlier, we will have to move Mom's bed out of her room prior to delivery; the delivery guys aren't allowed to move our furniture. Hopefully, all of this will come together this week or early next. Not sure where to put Mom's current bed. I don't think it will fit in the computer room (we had talked about moving that set up to another location). Can always go downstairs. Any other ideas for arranging the furniture?
Here is the contact person for the bed. I am going to tell her that we want the bed and will let her know which day is best to schedule delivery.
Carolina Home Care, Nancy Smith, (864) 271-8258
Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
(Please, please, please do not discard ANY of the packing materials for the pad. If for some reason Mom won't accept the bed, we can return the pad - but only if we send it back with ALL the related packing materials within 90 days. Thanks!)
Dr. Pugh has written the order so there won't be a charge for the bed or the delivery/set-up (they're checking on Medicare coverage for the pad). As noted earlier, we will have to move Mom's bed out of her room prior to delivery; the delivery guys aren't allowed to move our furniture. Hopefully, all of this will come together this week or early next. Not sure where to put Mom's current bed. I don't think it will fit in the computer room (we had talked about moving that set up to another location). Can always go downstairs. Any other ideas for arranging the furniture?
Here is the contact person for the bed. I am going to tell her that we want the bed and will let her know which day is best to schedule delivery.
Carolina Home Care, Nancy Smith, (864) 271-8258
Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
Sep 11 7:30am post
Morris visited on Monday pm, H. slept thru most of it, so he left commenting on that and that he would be back again Tuesday am.
Other activity as normal.
Other activity as normal.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sep 10 7am
Roy Brock paid a visit, brought b'day box of candy. An interesting part of the conversation was when H. piped up with a question for Roy - "How are those nursing homes, anyway?" ... Roy had been discussing Ruth's visit to a rehab center, I do not recall if he used the term "nursing home", don't think so, but he may have ... I feel that this shows her awareness of what lies ahead and may be preparing herself for it ...
H. experienced some discomfort in her right hip just sitting in the chair ... she wanted to change position to relieve it, but she was unable to effect any change, and I was unable to help her ... frustrating for both, hard to tell level of discomfort(pain?).
Of note is H.'s periodic immobility ... getting more frequent ... cannot stand without assist , once standing, cannot move her feet to walk. getting into either the hugo or bed is especially tricky as she cannot lower herself slowly and ends up plopping herself down ... on the hugo, this is dicey because it must be braced correctly by the caregiver or else she may end up falling .... getting into bed is similarly difficult, if she is not positioned correctly and plops too close to the edge, her center of gravity may take her to the floor. Very close supervision required in both cases.
Thinking this thru - if she becomes totally immobile, I know that I am unable to lift her on/off various surfaces ... I can barely help her scootch her butt away from the side of the bed so she is not so close to it ... I do this by lifting her hips as she provides some muscle power to move herself over ...
H. experienced some discomfort in her right hip just sitting in the chair ... she wanted to change position to relieve it, but she was unable to effect any change, and I was unable to help her ... frustrating for both, hard to tell level of discomfort(pain?).
Of note is H.'s periodic immobility ... getting more frequent ... cannot stand without assist , once standing, cannot move her feet to walk. getting into either the hugo or bed is especially tricky as she cannot lower herself slowly and ends up plopping herself down ... on the hugo, this is dicey because it must be braced correctly by the caregiver or else she may end up falling .... getting into bed is similarly difficult, if she is not positioned correctly and plops too close to the edge, her center of gravity may take her to the floor. Very close supervision required in both cases.
Thinking this thru - if she becomes totally immobile, I know that I am unable to lift her on/off various surfaces ... I can barely help her scootch her butt away from the side of the bed so she is not so close to it ... I do this by lifting her hips as she provides some muscle power to move herself over ...
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Sep 09 4pm post
Morris came for a visit, brought a birthday gift - a bracelet.
He stayed for about 1 1/2 hrs and made H. grilled cheese - she ate 1/2 of it.
He plans to be back tomorrow.
He stayed for about 1 1/2 hrs and made H. grilled cheese - she ate 1/2 of it.
He plans to be back tomorrow.
Sep 09 7am report
visitors on Saturday included Dan & Cynthia, Tom & Thomas, Ruth Brock.
H. enjoyed them all. I was doing some cleaning while Ruth was here, so cannot report on H. participation.
She did prep for the one visit that she knew about ahead of time by doing a b-room visit complete with oral care -t'brush & m'wash, and was concerned about body oder, could find no perfume, so I applied the body lotion that sits on the counter and she was happy with that. Her social skills are very much alive and funtioning, I would say.
H had a couple of direct questions for Thomas - "are you dating?" and " is there one special girl?" ... very sweet ...
H also related to me recent social drama in the Morris-realm ... apparently, last vist Morris related to H a comment made by one of H's rivals, it was a dis'ing comment about H. I asked her why she thought it was said and her response was something to the effect " well, he'll be off and it's too-da-loo Peg" ... I wish I could remember the exact phrase ... bottom line, she senses trespassing on her turf and is concerned.
I asked why would Morris tell her about this (as anyone with a brain would know it would cause hurt feelings and generate anxiety about her status in his world, I did not say this to her)... no definitive conclusion from H on this. Could have been completely innocent on his part, hope so.
H. enjoyed them all. I was doing some cleaning while Ruth was here, so cannot report on H. participation.
She did prep for the one visit that she knew about ahead of time by doing a b-room visit complete with oral care -t'brush & m'wash, and was concerned about body oder, could find no perfume, so I applied the body lotion that sits on the counter and she was happy with that. Her social skills are very much alive and funtioning, I would say.
H had a couple of direct questions for Thomas - "are you dating?" and " is there one special girl?" ... very sweet ...
H also related to me recent social drama in the Morris-realm ... apparently, last vist Morris related to H a comment made by one of H's rivals, it was a dis'ing comment about H. I asked her why she thought it was said and her response was something to the effect " well, he'll be off and it's too-da-loo Peg" ... I wish I could remember the exact phrase ... bottom line, she senses trespassing on her turf and is concerned.
I asked why would Morris tell her about this (as anyone with a brain would know it would cause hurt feelings and generate anxiety about her status in his world, I did not say this to her)... no definitive conclusion from H on this. Could have been completely innocent on his part, hope so.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Sat 9/8 morning post
Friday night so-so ... 8pm H. retired for the night, this is earlier than usual. Up a couple of times, both times calling for Morris. It is currently 8:30am, she is still in bed. wake/sleep times have varied widely this week.
H.'s ability to stand and push the walker for the travel to-fro bedroom almost gone. Almost all stand/sit/lie movement is with assistance.
not much chance to observe food intake this week. what I did observe is that much of what is served is not eaten. Celery, carrots, morning toast pb+j are preferred ... sandwiches are not ...
When conversing with H., I find that although I must repeat things frequently, a proper conversation can be had. and, of course, sense of humor seems to be totally intact.
H.'s ability to stand and push the walker for the travel to-fro bedroom almost gone. Almost all stand/sit/lie movement is with assistance.
not much chance to observe food intake this week. what I did observe is that much of what is served is not eaten. Celery, carrots, morning toast pb+j are preferred ... sandwiches are not ...
When conversing with H., I find that although I must repeat things frequently, a proper conversation can be had. and, of course, sense of humor seems to be totally intact.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Caregiver Policy and Schedule
I was looking at all of Mom's expenses to try to identify any way we could economize. Not much room for that but I did think of a few things - every little bit helps!!!
Since the VA cost for overnights is pretty much the same as Maggie and Gwen, I thought we could try VA out for Friday nights. Then if anyone who has weekend duty can make it Friday (we could from time to time since we wouldn't have to be there until about 9:00), we could eliminate some of that cost. We'd always have VA as a backup. Best case for eliminating all of the cost for Friday nights (almost 14 hours/week)is almost $9,000/year. We wouldn't recoup all of it but might conserve some.
Second, lawn service and cleaning service: Drop down to once a month on both - saving $1,800/year.
Third, make a special effort to find someone we can swap the lower level living space for care. We had some "light" conversation with Maggie once but she didn't seem all that interested.
What do you think?
PS. Just to clarify, is Friday night the only night that Maggie or Gwen are not working but are getting paid, or are there other nights/times as well?
Since the VA cost for overnights is pretty much the same as Maggie and Gwen, I thought we could try VA out for Friday nights. Then if anyone who has weekend duty can make it Friday (we could from time to time since we wouldn't have to be there until about 9:00), we could eliminate some of that cost. We'd always have VA as a backup. Best case for eliminating all of the cost for Friday nights (almost 14 hours/week)is almost $9,000/year. We wouldn't recoup all of it but might conserve some.
Second, lawn service and cleaning service: Drop down to once a month on both - saving $1,800/year.
Third, make a special effort to find someone we can swap the lower level living space for care. We had some "light" conversation with Maggie once but she didn't seem all that interested.
What do you think?
PS. Just to clarify, is Friday night the only night that Maggie or Gwen are not working but are getting paid, or are there other nights/times as well?
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Issue requiring attention of MK, E, and D .. ASAP, please
Maggie initiated a conversation with me this morning about how her pay was handled for Friday night, Sat morning and Monday day (Labor day weekend)
She did not work those times since they overlapped with Eileen's visit. She did not get paid for those times.
This is not how overlaps have been handled in the past. She expected to be paid for that time.
She would like to understand what the future holds for such overlaps. If the new practice is to be that she is paid only for time worked, then she would like to go to a more formal arrangement that spells out what hours she can expect to work in a week, what the hours are and how cancelled hours will be handled. She understands that if she initiates an absence, she will not be paid for those hours. She wants to know what the policy is to be for an absence initiated by the family. She will use this info to evaluate this and other employment opportunities available to her. She would like to know as soon as possible what she can expect in the future so that she can make plans accordingly.
NOTE: this is my recap of our discussion, doing my best to capture the info that was conveyed. All the words are mine, hopefully I have chosen the correct ones. My discussion with Maggie was not a confrontational or emotional, as anyone who knows Maggie would understand automatically. It was very matter-of-fact. In a business-like way, she presented the facts (no pay), the impact on her (not good, not expected, not according to precedent), action she is requesting from the family (define policy), actions she will consider based on what the policy turns out to be (request formal agreement, look for other opportunites to supplement hours, etc.).
thx.
She did not work those times since they overlapped with Eileen's visit. She did not get paid for those times.
This is not how overlaps have been handled in the past. She expected to be paid for that time.
She would like to understand what the future holds for such overlaps. If the new practice is to be that she is paid only for time worked, then she would like to go to a more formal arrangement that spells out what hours she can expect to work in a week, what the hours are and how cancelled hours will be handled. She understands that if she initiates an absence, she will not be paid for those hours. She wants to know what the policy is to be for an absence initiated by the family. She will use this info to evaluate this and other employment opportunities available to her. She would like to know as soon as possible what she can expect in the future so that she can make plans accordingly.
NOTE: this is my recap of our discussion, doing my best to capture the info that was conveyed. All the words are mine, hopefully I have chosen the correct ones. My discussion with Maggie was not a confrontational or emotional, as anyone who knows Maggie would understand automatically. It was very matter-of-fact. In a business-like way, she presented the facts (no pay), the impact on her (not good, not expected, not according to precedent), action she is requesting from the family (define policy), actions she will consider based on what the policy turns out to be (request formal agreement, look for other opportunites to supplement hours, etc.).
thx.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Sep 05 2007
arrived 530 am ... house locked, Gwen did not expect me ... I will be sure to call caretakers ahead of time and make arrangements for entry next time.
Gwen reported bad night, up all night, just settled in around 5am.
medication confusion this morning ... plastic pill-collaters not filled, no notes about what-up ... Maggie called Dan, Dan to stop by in evening with picked-up medication.
eye appt today, dr reports eye is improved. dr says stop the one medication (Maggie has name of med, I'll update tomorrow) and only use the one currently being used at night, but use it three times a day now instead of just at night.
navigating stairs upon return home arduous ... will soon require 100% assistance going up ... need mechanical assist installed if home-stay continues.
Helen is weaker than what I saw in June (e.g., cannot get up from chair any longer) ... she sits crooked and does not have the strength to straighten herself or scoot herself back as I recall her doing in June. She has difficulty lifting coffee cup.
Gwen reported bad night, up all night, just settled in around 5am.
medication confusion this morning ... plastic pill-collaters not filled, no notes about what-up ... Maggie called Dan, Dan to stop by in evening with picked-up medication.
eye appt today, dr reports eye is improved. dr says stop the one medication (Maggie has name of med, I'll update tomorrow) and only use the one currently being used at night, but use it three times a day now instead of just at night.
navigating stairs upon return home arduous ... will soon require 100% assistance going up ... need mechanical assist installed if home-stay continues.
Helen is weaker than what I saw in June (e.g., cannot get up from chair any longer) ... she sits crooked and does not have the strength to straighten herself or scoot herself back as I recall her doing in June. She has difficulty lifting coffee cup.
Monday, September 3, 2007
AUGUST 31 - SEPT 3, 2007 WEEKEND UPDATE
All is OK. Seems like lots and lots of trips to the bathroom, more than usual, many times unproductive. Sometimes, I think she just wants to get up and move around but automatically goes down the hall. I think the same thing happens at night when she wakes up. She wants to get up and focuses on the bathroom, but particularly in the first 3 hours or so after she's gone to bed, no "activity" on the commode. I found her to be particularly vulnerable walking during the night visits. And while "sitting" on the Hugo is preferable, there is some maneuvering that has to occur to get her turned around....
Bought a chocolate birthday cake (put half in freezer) and she got everyone's flowers, cookies and chocolates! No sentimentality over the birthday.....she sort of wanted to ignore it but it is very difficult for her to wrangle up the appropriate response to things that happen, I notice. Pat Swann (Lazaroff) called to wish her a Happy Birthday and Linda and Jim Bindewald sent a Birthday Card - so did Visiting Angels. Her conversation with Pat was interesting: "Oh, yeah. We're doing just fine and getting around just fine.....everything is fine....everything." Not that I blame her and to her, everything is fine and she is capable of doing everything.....
Mom told me that she went to visit Uncle Eddie and Aunt Nell last week to do some collecting for the church and saw her male twin cousins and their sister........did she have an Uncle Eddie and Aunt Nell with twin sons and a daughter? Just curious.
Of course, the usual questions about her husband, but she seems to accept it better that this is in fact Morris and not Vic, although sometimes she asks if I know where Vic is. My tactic with her re: Morris is just to say what it is: He moved out. He lives elsewhere. Other than in his apartment, I don't know where he is.
The mouse is gone - except occasionally when I tell her it is only the icemaker and that is OK.
No foul smells are lingering, that I heard about.
She can not hear anything I say. Even when she asks me a question and I answer, I get: "I don't know what you are talking about." Frustrating so often I just don't answer. Doesn't really seem to matter either way.
I think her strength overall has weakened and I fear she is not too far from another fall. I found that I felt like I had to be a lot closer to her - particularly when she gets up at night as noted above. Recommend having the non-skid socks available for these occasions.
Using the features of the chair ("UP" for when she is getting up) is quite helpful. It assists her in getting to the right position with her weight on her feet.
Will Medicare pay for a hospital-like bed that can go up/down? I think she needs one for the night visits so that it is easier for her to "get moving". Getting out of the bed is particularly difficult for her. Don't really know what the answer is. Found her particularly vulnerable to slipping off the edge.....but the good thing is that she can't sit up or stand up anymore without assistance. The risk of the fall is greater but I am assuming that the caregiver will be there since she can't get up by herself anymore.
Met with elderlaw attorney. It was a very productive meeting. Dan, Tom, Vic and I attended so we all heard the same thing and invariably will have our different perspectives on it. Her marriage to Morris was particularly troublesome to the attorney from an elderlaw perspective. I am working on a grid that I will distribute via e-mail. Please look for it. We have to start maneuvering now and it will take some doing. Morris is not going to be happy. Basically, for Mom to make application for a reverse mortgage or nursing home care, full financial disclosure from both spouses is required even though only Mom owns the home. She can qualify for Medicaid under SC Law and she alone is not far from being there - but Morris's assets play in as the non-Medicaid spouse. He has to be willing to spend down as well, but not as far......it's going to get very interesting. Also, as the spouse, he is responsible for her medical care and well-being prior to her death. The "waiver" that we all know neither took advantage of is only a waiver of rights post death (1/3 of the estate). While they are married, each is 100% liable for all medical bills and care. As I said, look for the grid. My vote currently is to get full disclosure and then decide whether divorce is an alternative in the best interest of Mom.
More later.
Bought a chocolate birthday cake (put half in freezer) and she got everyone's flowers, cookies and chocolates! No sentimentality over the birthday.....she sort of wanted to ignore it but it is very difficult for her to wrangle up the appropriate response to things that happen, I notice. Pat Swann (Lazaroff) called to wish her a Happy Birthday and Linda and Jim Bindewald sent a Birthday Card - so did Visiting Angels. Her conversation with Pat was interesting: "Oh, yeah. We're doing just fine and getting around just fine.....everything is fine....everything." Not that I blame her and to her, everything is fine and she is capable of doing everything.....
Mom told me that she went to visit Uncle Eddie and Aunt Nell last week to do some collecting for the church and saw her male twin cousins and their sister........did she have an Uncle Eddie and Aunt Nell with twin sons and a daughter? Just curious.
Of course, the usual questions about her husband, but she seems to accept it better that this is in fact Morris and not Vic, although sometimes she asks if I know where Vic is. My tactic with her re: Morris is just to say what it is: He moved out. He lives elsewhere. Other than in his apartment, I don't know where he is.
The mouse is gone - except occasionally when I tell her it is only the icemaker and that is OK.
No foul smells are lingering, that I heard about.
She can not hear anything I say. Even when she asks me a question and I answer, I get: "I don't know what you are talking about." Frustrating so often I just don't answer. Doesn't really seem to matter either way.
I think her strength overall has weakened and I fear she is not too far from another fall. I found that I felt like I had to be a lot closer to her - particularly when she gets up at night as noted above. Recommend having the non-skid socks available for these occasions.
Using the features of the chair ("UP" for when she is getting up) is quite helpful. It assists her in getting to the right position with her weight on her feet.
Will Medicare pay for a hospital-like bed that can go up/down? I think she needs one for the night visits so that it is easier for her to "get moving". Getting out of the bed is particularly difficult for her. Don't really know what the answer is. Found her particularly vulnerable to slipping off the edge.....but the good thing is that she can't sit up or stand up anymore without assistance. The risk of the fall is greater but I am assuming that the caregiver will be there since she can't get up by herself anymore.
Met with elderlaw attorney. It was a very productive meeting. Dan, Tom, Vic and I attended so we all heard the same thing and invariably will have our different perspectives on it. Her marriage to Morris was particularly troublesome to the attorney from an elderlaw perspective. I am working on a grid that I will distribute via e-mail. Please look for it. We have to start maneuvering now and it will take some doing. Morris is not going to be happy. Basically, for Mom to make application for a reverse mortgage or nursing home care, full financial disclosure from both spouses is required even though only Mom owns the home. She can qualify for Medicaid under SC Law and she alone is not far from being there - but Morris's assets play in as the non-Medicaid spouse. He has to be willing to spend down as well, but not as far......it's going to get very interesting. Also, as the spouse, he is responsible for her medical care and well-being prior to her death. The "waiver" that we all know neither took advantage of is only a waiver of rights post death (1/3 of the estate). While they are married, each is 100% liable for all medical bills and care. As I said, look for the grid. My vote currently is to get full disclosure and then decide whether divorce is an alternative in the best interest of Mom.
More later.
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